Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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