Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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