i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
