Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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