This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
