According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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