So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
