White coat. Heels.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
