I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
