Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
