Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
