david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
