dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
