the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
