i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
