If i come over, it means nothing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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