Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize