you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
