apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
