Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
