I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
