I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
