There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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