Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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