I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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