Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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