I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
