My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
