you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
