Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
