she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
