He is an equal opportunity slut.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
