yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
