I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
