At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
