Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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