I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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