I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
