I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
