i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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