I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
