What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
