I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
