Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize