I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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