So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
