I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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