apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i will never coherently bang her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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