i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
