She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
