dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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