I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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