Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
sex in a hospital.. check
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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