No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
