you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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