My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dicks are not precious.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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