Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
