Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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