i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
how does that bad decision feel?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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