I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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