well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
