Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
