but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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