His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize