hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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