How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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