she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
