how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
pray to the hookup gods
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
