No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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