Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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