i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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