Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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