actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
