you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
