Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
