was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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