He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
