Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
