Michael Bay diarrhea
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think your dad took our porno
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize