i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
