im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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