I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize