I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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