Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

That reminds me...we need to get swords

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers

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(909): View more from California

It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.

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(325): View more from Texas

I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES

Fav 3 801 450
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(870): View more from Arkansas

if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.

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