Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
