She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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