im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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