That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
