It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
