Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
