Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
