South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
