Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
