I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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