Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
