the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize