The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
