let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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