he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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