Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
