She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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