dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
